I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
