I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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