You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
