I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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