My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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