I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize