I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
