I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
