She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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