there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
