We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
