im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize