He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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