He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
why didn't you poke me back
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
