i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
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