i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
