They should really pass out barf bags in church
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
