my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
