so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I think my moral compass just broke
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
