Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Randomize
