Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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