I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Randomize
