Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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