Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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