I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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