I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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