I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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