Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
