I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
