i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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