Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize