Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
