I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
