Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
