I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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