I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize