I looked at my own cervix.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
