i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
