i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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