sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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