there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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