It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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