Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
