there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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