Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
