It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
40s are totally the cure
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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