shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
