omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
My life is pants optional.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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