Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize