you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm sobbing to NWA
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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