So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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