Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
