Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I supernannyed him into submission
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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