In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
