ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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