he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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