Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
