I wish I could teleport
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
