im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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