i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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