he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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