it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize