if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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