My room smells like vodka and shame
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
