you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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