I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
