dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
