belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize