Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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