I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
