...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
