We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize