I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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