When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize