My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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