I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
