dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I need to align my fucking chakras
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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