if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
