I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You're like the curious george of whores
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
