Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
