The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is it fun? or sober?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
