If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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