idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
