You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
