Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
