just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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