i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
time to smoke my breakfast
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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