Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
