i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
