the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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