I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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