I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
