worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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