ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
