I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
