Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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