Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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