he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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