Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
