It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
